Monday, November 14, 2005

The Things I Tell Myself

Got my school computer account up and running, paid my tuition, and patiently waiting for my validation sticker via USPS. I'm here in the lab just testing things out, because tomorrow I'm going to sit my ass here until I have ten pages of thesis written. I'm only about three months behind. I work well under pressure...right? What's motivating me is not academic integrity or intellectual ambition. At this point, I just want the signature that says "pass" so I can get tuition reimbursement and BE DONE WITH THIS SCHOOL SHIT TO NEVER BE SEDUCED BACK INTO IT.

Meanwhile I am having a profound sense of insecurity regarding my job, and major performance anxiety. Sometimes I feel like the kid who never learned to read that bluffed his way all through high school, then gets to college and finds it's harder to keep up the front. Maybe that's the case with graduate school itself for that matter. Maybe I really can't read...maybe I'm just one of the lucky infinite monkeys in front of infinite typewriters?

1 comment:

Murky Thoughts said...

yOu r such a loozer!

(that which does not kill us makes us stronger. only works when the patient is down.)