Thursday, December 15, 2005

Maybe It's Part of Being SUPERMAN?

As I am only interested in serious journalism, allow me to summarise some of the New York Post's highlights today.

Apparantly, the producers of Superman Returns are concerned that Superman (Brandon Routh) has too big a dick for the red and blue tights, and they are going to digitally shrink it. Why would they do that? I think that Superman, as an icon of masculinity and superhuman strength, should have an enormous penis. And when Lois Lane is falling from the tops of builings, Superman could fly by and she could just grab hold of his piece.

Everything is bigger in Texas: Barneys is opening back up in Dallas, Texas, after it's failed attempt in the nineties. Texans want BRIGHT COLORS and LARGE SIZES. Barneys, being very "New York", focused on black and size 0.

And finally, for once I agree with Andrea Peyser, who says the anger of New Yorkers regarding the looming transit strike is focused on the MTA and not the workers. The MTA needs to be audited. They have a billion dollar surplas (that no one has heard about lately) yet they can't give the transit workers a raise worth giving? Meanwhile, they're cutting fares in half for the holidays? I have to say, though, that a strike won't hurt the MTA -- they already have the money from Metrocards and gobs of cash -- it will only hurt bus and train riders. Hopefully they'll resolve this before I have to walk my ass across the Triborough bridge to get to work. I may lose my cooks if this lady I work with asks me one more time what she's supposed to do if there's a strike. I don't know, what am I supposed to do? Why are you even asking me? I'll tell you what you'll do, you'll put your damn sneakers on, tie your scarf tight, and get to steppin!

2 comments:

S.D. said...

So, I guess this also means that the new Superman movie won't be featuring the Kryptonite Pussy?

anne arkham said...

Get to steppin', yeah. Or maybe Superman could help her out.