Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Bitch Is Back

Well, happy New Year! My roommates got a dog (long story). She's intermittently here; she was at one roommate's family's house, then at our house, then at a co-worker's house, now back here. No one seems to want to keep her. They are trying to find her a new home. She's cute and all, but sadly, there is only room for two bitches in this house.

Besides, Meow Kitty is insanely jealous.
Meow Kitty

Just kidding, of course. She is actually completely disinterested, maybe a tiny bit curious. Overall I think, as Lito said, she just wants to know what it is and then for it to be gone.

I was highly highly praised at work today. GO ME. Meanwhile, one of the new secretary's is being fired tomorrow, and while several people around her know this, she has no clue. She was overall useless, but I still feel bad for her.

By the way, I'm about three months pregnant.

No I don't know who the father is and yes I've been trying to get ahold of RUD487. I've also tried to flush it out with a "vinegar tsunami" to quote Edwina Monsoon. All I know now is I'm going to have to exercise this baby into labor, and then drop "it off at the pool" where some boojhee white lady can adopt it like in "Losing Isaiah".

If you remember, my first baby was 8 months premature:
Plastic Fetus

He's healthy and happy, though he remains forever a fetus.


anne arkham said...

You can get RU-486 at Planned Parenthood, but you're too far along to be a candidate. You're gonna have to go for a surgical abortion, and after three months, it's gonna be expensive. Fortunately, there are financial aid-type funds for late term abortions. The folks at Planned Parenthood should be able to hook you up. You'll probably also be able to apply for a student discount. A lot of clinics offer those.

They'll also be able to offer birth control, so you don't have to go through this again. I mean, really. Pull yourself together, woman.

S.D. Hollaback said...

Don't blame yourself darling. What are you supposed to do when a Magnum XXL Condom BREAKS? I would suggest downsizing, but I know that's out of the question!

Also, I was a bit disturbed when I received your mail by accident and discovered a package addressed to "Ms. Meow Kitty", which contained a vial of Ricin and a can of Purina Puppy Chow. Don't be fooled by the rocks!