Thursday, November 30, 2006

Sometimes, I'm Kind of Mean: A Play in One Act

Setting: Tee and Dee are talking amongst themselves in Dee's cubicle area

Tee: I never knew that you're taller than me.
Dee: It's because you don't have your heels on.
Tee: Yeah, my heels make me very tall. I look like a drag queen with my heels on.
Stroll Passing by with perfect timing: IT AIN'T THE HEELS, HONEY.

Most Popular Science Myths

I love things like this because I hate false information floating around being widely accepted. However, some of the "myths" in the link are true!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Monday, November 27, 2006

Study: Humpback Whales Have "Human" Brain Cells

The one pictured in the article is clearly not one of the brighter ones, though.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


There may be some old entries showing up in my feed. In case anyone notices and/or cares, it's happening because I'm slowly going through older entries and giving them the labels now available in Blogger Beta.

Be A Man

A little gratuitious Hole for a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Irony is Lost...

Bungalo in Astoria's gay night advertises, "Come As You Are":

Of course, "fashionable dress required" lol

Velvet D'Amour in Her Own Words

Here is two parts of an interview with Size 28 model Velvet D'Amour from "Entertainment Tonight".

She seems like a smart lady.

She's right at the end of that second one, that what should matter is health, not weight, though they are of course related. I think that it is only in a civilization with such abundance, like the United States, that we can have such a big problem with people being overweight. Similarly, it is only in a culture with such abundance that eating disorders exist. Whether or not anorexia and bulimia are "diseases", in places where famine is killing people, there aren't anorexics--there are only people who want to eat. They aren't killing themselves like Ana Carolina Reston did in Brazil or like Nataliya Gotsii looks like she's trying to do. As someone who would like to be as slim as possible and who has as many issues with my male body as any woman in the world does with her, I cannot fathom the willpower it would take to literally starve yourself to death.

D-Lux Motel, Oak Lawn, Illinois

I have a longstanding fascination with seedy hotels. Depending on your part of the country, the word may be “seedy”, “shady”, “sketchy” or “skeezy”. But you know the concept, and you know the places. Most likely, your town has one…or a few.

I am not quite sure why I have this fascination. I think it stems from my fascination with all things mysterious. What goes on behind the closed doors of these places of respite – places that have all the makings of short-stay lodging but often have people who live in them, or use them as some kind of base for exploits of the criminal kind, from prostitution to drugs to much, much more nefarious doings.

In Austin, Texas, there are many of them on Lamar Boulevard and Congress Avenues and in Orlando, Florida they line Orange Blossom Trail from one end to the other. In New York City they are scattered far and wide through all five boroughs. In Winston-Salem, North Carolina they are on the outskirts of downtown on Broad Street and the appropriately named Shady Lane that is surrounded by churches. And as I discovered during my recent trip to Chicago, there is even one in the relatively affluent suburb of Oak Lawn, right across the street from the Hilton.

I mentioned to a friend of mine years ago that I was going to create a coffee table book based on the seediest hotels in this country. Each subject would be photographed, profiled, and written up for a nice size book that may not be of general interest, but would be interesting to say the least. He still asks me about it sometimes. Of course I have a million good ideas but ideas don’t make themselves concrete. So I figure I could just turn this idea into some blog entries…when in doubt, put it on the blog, right?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: The D-Lux Motel. Note the selling point here is “mirrored waterbeds”. I wish I had had time to photograph the A-frame building, the brick-wall-enclosed parking area with the other signage, and that I’d had a better camera than my cell phone with me. Nonetheless, this is number one in what I hope becomes a large collection of intriguing, disgusting, dangerous places to lay your head.

Related: Seedy Theaters

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


I'll be having my traditional non-traditional Thanksgiving tomorrow with my next door neighbor Scatty D. Arbuckle. I'll do my usual call to the family where they pass the phone around, and then have something with absolutely no relation to turkey for dinner.

I hope everyone that reads this has a great Thanksgiving. And I hope that like me, no matter how miserable your life is, you know you have a lot to be happy about. :)


Kylie Minogue Performs "Vogue" by Madonna

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Cereal & Milk

Just cute, sweet and innocent enough for me to...perv on.

Addictive Game: QWERTY Warrior

Type fast...or die!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The Game

I was led to the game and am now strangely fascinated by it. I give you a link to the instructions so that you, too, may be involved for the rest of your life.

[via apostropher]

In other news, I'm back from Chicago, and soon will post all that went on their, in cryptic code language of course, because, it was top secret work of The World Church of Assimilation I was doing.

Also, an update coming soon about ROBBERY 2006. Though it's quite embarrassing and infuriorating, I think I may be ready to talk about it. Somebody get me Barbara Walters.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I'm knee deep in blogging!

Click to watch Phil deal with a busy day of blogging.


Bon Voyage

I'm going to Chicago tomorrow morning through Sunday night. Please stop crying!

If you know anything about Oak Lawn I should know before I arrive, leave me a comment or email me.

Peace to the m. east!

Monday, November 13, 2006

More Cocodorm Scandal!

Remember the Cocodorm scandal involving HIV/AIDS/STD allegations and all the commentary that ensued?

Then there was a lawsuit about how being in Cocodorm pornography has hurt his "mainstream" acting career?

And then there were additional allegations of rape [the post on this at has apparantly been removed for some reason], different from the one I mentioned in my first post on the "Dorm"?

Well now there is a strait up fight complete with frying pans and hammers in the mix, on YouTube no less, noted as simply, "gay fight":

Oh Cocodorm...shit like this was bound to happen...? I just want to take them all in. Of course I would never be able to handle all that horny young gay male agression. Oh who am I kidding, of course I would.

You Are Going To Be Alright

You Are Going To Be Alright
Originally uploaded by hawaii.
Let's all hope this is true.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Richard Dawkins on C-SPAN

Richard Dawkins is on C-SPAN cupping people left and right. It's in Lynchburg, Virginia, home of Liberty University, so a lot of those students are in the audience and, with the confidence and self-assuradness that only a college student can muster, they keep approaching the mic thinking they're going to "stump" him with what they've thought about casually in the shadow of their parents' religions versus what he has devoted his entire professional career to studying, writing about, and advancing. One lady asked, simply, "What if you're wrong?" That was her question for Richard Dawkins. He gave her the verbal cupping of her life, ending by noting that she should consider, in fact, what if she is wrong about Poseidon at the bottom of the sea.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Sitemeter Reveals My Favorite Search Ever


"Darth Vader Being Sassy", I love it.

They were no doubt searching for this:

Sith Drag 8

Friday, November 10, 2006

Frat Boys Sue Borat

Following the news that Pam Anderson was in on the joke, which seemed obvious given that no crazy-looking mutha like Borat would be allowed to get near her at a book signing especially given she likely has thousands of stalkers, the frat boys from the Borat film are suing, claiming they were drunk when they signed their releases and didn't know what was really going on. This brings us back to Murky's Thoughts on why Borat may be bad. It's funny though, because I saw the frat boy scene and the frat boys as the most seemingly informed. They seemed like they were acting, even if they were drunk. They also seemed like jackasses, but don't all frat boys? I know, I know...unfair.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I don't know those people.

This morning Meow Kitty was freaking out, so I was up at the crack of dawn. I was headed into the shower when I heard banging, but I was uncertain as to whether it was at my door. So I took my buck-naked ass to the peep hole and the strait-up VICE SQUAD is knocking on the neighbors' adjacent to my apartment. Finally they answered the door, the vice went in, and, almost as quickly as they had came, they left, with the lady of the house standing at the door watching them go. File under WTF.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Oldie But a Goodie: Rock the Vote


Vote today!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Vaginal Farts are Fun

This is probably not safe for work, but it has me laughing so hard:

Yes, I am like 12 years old.

NY Marathon, Borat, Dim Sum, and Bloomingdales

Yesterday I had my usual Sunday dim sum with Jo Jo and Kevondrala, after which we saw Borat. When Jo Jo and I arrived to the area on the Upper East Side (the location of our new dim sum place), we realized that the New York Marathon was happening. It was just a trickle of people at the head of the race coming through, so the cop let us cross the street, but urged that we hurry. When we got across the street, Jo Jo proclaimed that we had run the marathon, so we high-fived, and then gourged ourselves on the tasty little mysterious treats of China.

Borat was hilarious. I had never caught much of the Ali G Show, but I understood the concept and knew K-rock and others are big fans. There is talk of how it is mean or offensive, or what have you, but all I have to say for it for now is that it makes a pretty funny statement about, if nothing else, people's true feelings. For example, at the rodeo, when Borat tells the man that in his country they string gays up, and the man replies that "we're trying to get that done here too" it's funny because there are a million people like that man, which is not funny. It's hard to make sense out of. At any rate, it's not "funny" in the very racist Jesus is Magic sense.

I has insisted that we see the one o'clock show so I could get back home at a decent time, as they had insisted that we beat the dim sum rush by arriving at 11:30. It all worked out fine even with having to walk around the entire NY Marathon to cross the street, but on the way back to the train station I had to urinate, at which point I pondered on how Starbucks's are everywhere until you really have to pee. There the only place in the City that are pretty free with their bathrooms (i.e., you don't have to make a purchase to use the bathroom and/or sit down for a minute. For this reason alone I wholeheartedly support the Starbucksification of NYC.). So I went into Bloomingdales, pissed, and then found myself looking at ties in the Men's Store which cost like my week's salary.

In other news, my boss sent me a text message this morning, which was a first. I think my co-worker taught her how.

More later. Lots of work to do!

"As you age, you'll find yourself wrong on some things, right on other things, but please, in the process, don't be arrogant." --Ted to Rich

I had never really seen or heard of Ted Haggard before his sex-and-meth scandal, but if I would have I could've told you he's a big ole queen. Look at him getting all sassy with Richard Dawkins:

[via Unfogged]

Saturday, November 04, 2006

My new BFF Parker Posey

Usually the names are changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty) on this here blog, but today allow me to drop a name. Parker Posey! Last night S.D.A. invited me to go with him to a friend's 70's themed birthday party, so I put on my new pants and we went down the shindig. As I will always be there to drink for free, I became increasingly drunk, which leads to increased working of nerves, and after a while I was no longer self-conscious in my kind of highwater pants but rather feeling it a little too much, in people's faces and dancing to Ring My Bell, etc.

S.D. returned to me reporting that Parker Posey was there and upon entering she had announced to him that "it smells like donuts in here". I told him and Jaykwan that it was going to take a lot for me not to be a gushing fan boy and just be a cool whats-up kind of guy. Honestly though, I don't really get starstruck, but...I really do love Parker Posey. We were joking about the most obnoxious routes we could take in embracing her, like for example asking her if we could do lines of toot off her tits and lick her cooch. Because people were really like that. She was ambushed in the kitchen by the starstruck, and I was not going to be like that even if it meant I didn't get to speak to her at all. But I digress.

So we were playing it cool of course, and wanted to interact with her "organically" as S.D. said. I went outside to smoke a cigarette as the party was ending and people were going to move along to Therapy. Later I would learn that during this time alone, S.D. was in the kitchen with PP who offered him a drink from her cup and then took it back and continued to drink from it herself.

Then, here comes PP outside with her friends. S.D. rolled up from behind, and PP made some comment about having quit smoking for a week. I can't remember what was said, but I high fived PP a good one with some definate smack to it. Everyone was just shooting the breeze, she was talking about her dog so of course I mentioned Nina the pitbull, and I was impressed with how collected I was in the face of celebrity, and the next thing I know I'm telling her, "I don't want to be a slobbering fanboy, but I am a big fan." AND SHE HUGGED ME, TIGHT, FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES. The song "Time Stood Still" started playing in my head. She said to me, "Aw, I'm a fan too." She may have said she loves me but I can't be sure at this hung-over point. Then she and her group were off, and she asked my name and told me if I ever see her to come on up to her. Lord knows she may regret that when I see her in Starbucks and act like we've been BFF's for a hundred years. She really seems nice and down to earth.

Then everybody went to Therapy and Posh and I drank too much, made a fool of myself, grabbed some guys ass who was not happy about it (have a problem with that), and gave my number to some dude with bad teeth.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Lord knows how easy it is

for a good Christian man to fall prey to the accusations of a male prostitute, and inadvertantly buy methamphetamines from him, and have an innnocent massage with a repeated happy ending.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Madonna on Dateline

Recently Madonna was on Oprah, and just now I finished watching her on Dateline. She's in the city and is having a whirlwind media tour, talking about her adoption, her upcoming concert on NBC minus the crucifixtion scene, and her newest children's book. As critical as I have been of her over the past few days, that's still my girl. How about Dateline went strait to Malawi to interview Baby David's father. There are so many mixed messages about what he knew, what he didn't know...supposedly Madonna offered him money to raise David and he declined. To Dateline, he supposedly said he knew the deal. I do have to say that Merideth Viera kind of phrased her question and commentary as David's father "didn't want anything to do with him" like he's a dead-beat dad rather than an impoverished substinence farmer who had no possible way to take care of his kid other than to put him in an orphanage. But I digress.

I still love her. I think her heart--though I have reports that she's pretty icy to the little people--is in the right place. And I think David has lucked out beyond what he could have ever imagined in a million years from his thirteen months of life.


In other news I have been experiencing profound sinking feelings and overwhelming pangs of self-hatred. I had the super up here today to fix the broken window in the other room and unclog the bathtub, not to mention look at the floor collapsing away from the wall and the falling-out moulding of the window in the living room.

All he did was make the bathroom dirtier.

This is a metaphor for all the interpersonal interactions of my life.

Halloween: The Day After

Last night Scatty Arbuckle and I went with his friends Jaykwan and Betstwana to the Villge Halloween Parade. It was so fun. I reprised my role as Darth Vadra (aka Drag Vader) which truly does baffle people. In platform shoes I towered over everyone. Scatty, Betstwan, and Jaykwan were the true stars of the show, however, as an Elf Wizard, Elf Archer, and Assassin respectively. These were no el-cheapo buy-in-a-plastic-bag costumes either, they are outright extras from Lord of the Rings, or "ward of da wings" as the Japanese, who worshipped them, would say. In fact they are on the Japanese news saying Happy Halloween. I'm not even kidding you.

As for Darth Vadra, kids apparantly loove Darth Vader. Which made me feel a little awkward, considering that I was Darth Vader in a full body latex fetish suit, dick just bulging, and a belly dancer shimmery top thing.

One man offered me his "light saber". Eeew. Yet kind of exciting.

This group of girls who could have been the cast of Flavor of Love wanted some action from me as well. I was all about them. One of them said, "It's Darth Vader goes belly dancing!" I was going more for "Darth Vader goes to Vegas" but oh well.

A group of boys screamed "Darth Gayder!" from the sidelines. I replied, "EXACTLY."

At one point we were stopped in the parade for traffic to cross, and in the middle of everything someone took the liberty to feel me up. Then this jackass on a bicycle tried to cut me off and in a move to stay with my group, I grapped the basket on the back of his bike and moved him out of the way. When we got out of the thick crowd, he punched me in the chest. Did he not know that I could crush his trachea with my mind?

Also, please note that "sexy occupation" costumes are sooo played out. If I saw one more slut in a shiny police hat and coochie cutters I thought I might scream.

And yes, I did get a laugh behind the killed-by-a-sting-ray spoofs.

Pictures forthcoming if I can find any.