Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Taking a Cue from Paris, Hilton is Infested

I have been on and off the road for a while now, and it’s starting to get exhausting, although I love every minute of it.

When I was in Reno I went from 7 AM to 6 PM without a cigarette. That, for me, is an unheard of feat. I am reading the book “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking,” which is surprisingly helpful, and supposedly upon completion you will never want a cigarette again. That is a big promise, but one I hope the author, now deceased from lung cancer, can keep. He says early on that you should continue smoking while you read so I am reading…very slowly. It’s fear that keeps us smoking – that is something he says that I truly believe – just as fear plays a part in nearly every bad behavior. Honestly, I am afraid of a life without smoking because then what would every meal, every drink, and every post-coital moment be? With the desire to smoke, it would be like a Reeses cup with no chocolate. Mm…chocolate. It’s the icing on the cake of every experience. Mmm…icing.

Anyway, I am here in Ft. Worth, Texas, which is a nice enough town, but not much to do especially on a Monday night. Also any decent hotel gives free internet access but here it is $10 a day, which I will promptly put on my travel expenses ‘cause a bitch can’t live life without a little online activity. Still, though I am paying for this service, certain websites are blocked! I mean, for my $10 I ought to be able to hit A4A, just to see what’s available at least.

When I first got here I checked in and the front desk was talking some nonsense about a “roommate”. Mama don’t do roommates. So I had to shut that down real quick, with an all points bulletin sent out to the conference preparers. I get up to my SINGLE room and shortly discover that it is infested with ants. ANTS! I have stayed in some real dumps but good lord, ANTS, and this is a Hilton. It was also a little dirty, frankly. I marched my ass back down there and got a room change. I am not a diva at all when it comes to travel – I have been a lot of places for personal and work reasons and stayed in some real “budget” spots -- but there are two things I am not going to have: roommates and/or bugs. At least it wasn’t BEDBUGS. And you know I did a full inspection of the mattresses when I finally got a room I could live with.

I had been advised that one of the members of the African team would be here, so when I got in I called her to make sure she had everything she needed. She asked me to meet her in the lobby, which I did, and she told me about trouble checking in – the desk said she was a day early – and that she hadn’t eaten since 4 AM yesterday. I took her to the restaurant in the hotel and it was so funny to see this nice woman from Zimbabwe send the chicken wings back because they were too spicy. She told me in Zimbabwe they don’t really do spicy, except for the Nigerians who are pouring into the country. She also told them to bring her less of them. We have such abundance in this country – and everything is bigger in Texas as they say – so we tend to have no idea what people in other parts of the world are going through. Yet she is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and genuine and grateful and, just, a pleasure to break bread with. She did ask me to “bless the table” which made me uncomfortable but was supposed to be an honor, so hey, “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for this food,” and we dig in.

Currently I am watching “I want to look like a High School Cheerleader again” on CMT and I’m just thinking I should be on one of these “get fit” shows. I would turn that shit out with nothing else to do. Of course I’d probably be the one they catch purging in the bathroom, especially with $50K on the line, but at least I’d make for good TV.

Again, there is so much I want to give this blog but I just don’t have the time as of late. MRSA, bioethics, the presidential race, California fires, celebretards, and on and on. I guess you can go to a lesser source on these matters and read, like, a newspaper.

By the way, this is the hotel JFK was leaving from the morning he was killed. This fact is noted AT EVERY TURN in the hotel. I wonder if he and Jackie O were in this room? Or if the hotel staff killed him because he was going to expose their ant problem? *groan* I may have solved the conspiracy theories about his death...but the world may never know.

1 comment:

K. said...

Ant infestation? Nasty. I would have high-tailed it out of there, too.