Friday, March 21, 2008

Cause you can’t starve us out and you can’t make us run

It is amazing how a little time provides so much perspective. One of my little love affairs in Gboro is a case in point. Last night I talked with that little motherfucker who I was entirely obsessed with and the realization that he is a horrible human being washed over me like the Atlantic Ocean. Then I got down with Christopher, who is beautiful and young and perfect, and my gears shifted just like that. He's one I may never hear from again but then again maybe I will. Everything is new to me again. I'm starting to feel a little bit of excitement.

I have long lived with the fear that I have faked it all the way to where I am. In other words, it is not talent that has gotten me this far (and that's not to say I'm anywhere near an enviable place) but rather good old fashioned knowing how to play the game.

I sat down with a friend and he looked over my resume though, and his thoughts gave birth to a confidence in me that I can, if it comes to it, find a new job. I have experience that includes words like "manage", "supervise", "maintain", "direct", "global", "New York". That means something, right? There is more that I can do besides run bitches at The World Church of Assimilation.

Yesterday at the Charlotte office, I had a meeting with my boss, the Big Boss, the new lady and the office manager. The Big Boss was on the phone. Previously, my boss had kind of irritated me with certain suggestions, but while we were in the meeting the Big Boss -- not knowing of our previous conversations -- totally contradicted little boss. I looked across the conference table at her and our eyes met...and she knew that my personal validation was filling the room like steam. I am not a dumbass, lady.

Today I was driving my rental car and A Country Boy Can Survive came on. I've never skinned a buck in my life, but that is a lesson I need to learn from my brother. Cleaning guns, hunting wild animals, hanging trout lines...people who know how to do these things will be the survivors when shit goes down. And don't we all know that any day now there's going to be Armageddon?

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