More like CRACK in every bite!
There is a magical, mythological man named Joey who puts out a line of celophane wrapped cheese danishes that come in a variety of flavors, most notably blueberry and strawberry. I am here to blow the whistle on Joey. these danishes are CLEARLY made of 90% transfat and 10% crack.
The package has microwave directions but they need no microwaving. The most delicious things you can buy for 99 cents in your local bodega, which will inevitably be short on stock but there is always at least one there waiting for you by the coffee pots, tempting you, taunting you, daring you to resist.
And you can't. Becuse they are decadant joy wrapped in a thin layer of plastic, the inside doughy goodness sticky and sweaty against the wrapper.
Oh Joey you bastard...I would rather be fat with you than slim without.