Friday, February 29, 2008

Better than the usual smell of rotting salami and human feces

The mysterious Maple Syrup smell is back, from the Lower East Side all the way to north Harlem.

The First Cat

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."


And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.



And cat would not obey them.

And when Adam and Eve gazed into cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.


[via whataboutcats.com]

Thursday, February 28, 2008

They're all dead.

Two questions.

One: The easiest way to start off with mapping your family tree is to ask your living relatives who was who as far back as they can remember. I have gotten pretty far back on a lot of my family using living family members and others' research, however, I've reached an impasse with the part of the family that has my own last name. I can't seem to find anything past my great grandfather on that side. No one seems to remember, even my grandmother, who would be his son's daughter-in-law. Granted I've only really been using the internet, but where would one start with this? What are the steps in finding this elusive person's name and history, and working back from there?

Two: Would a tattoo on your collar bone really hurt? I have a relatively big threshold for pain -- I'm a gay man who works for a bunch of Christians so I am used to a degree of torture -- but seriously...is that shit gonna hurt, right on the bone?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

An Exercise in Self Indulgence

I had this up a looong time ago, and now I'm going to do it again. Please complete for me! Stroll's Johari Window

Monday, February 25, 2008

Friday, February 22, 2008

Kiss today goodbye, and point me towards tomorrow...

An anonymous commenter tells me the Polk Theater in Queens was torn down this week.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

In Microsoft's battle to acquire Yahoo,

the proxy calls to shareholders are fixin' to begin.

As someone who has had many a job making these kinds of calls, and quit just as many because having to make those calls is a form of torture, I wish the employees of Microsoft's temp agency all the best as they suffer through infuriorated, cussing, hanging-up Yahoo shareholders who will inevitably ALL be having dinner during when the call is received.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I just sent a letter under the Big Boss's signature

that says something about "400 years" when in reality it's more like 250.

Hope no one catches that. You know, of the sixty or so people I sent it to. :-/

Friday, February 15, 2008

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles -- "Queen's Gambit"

After Sarah burned the poor chump Adam's house down, he rebuild The Turk from memory. Sarah, John and Cameron find themselves at the computer vs. computer chess tournament the The Turk is expected to win...and the creators thereafter win a military contract, fueling the fear that The Turk is the precursor to Skynet, and Adam the future creator of Skynet.

But The Turk loses and Adam and his partner therefor loses the military contract. He still ends up dead, and I'm a little confused how Kyle Reese's brother's appearance in 2007 works with the timeline, but that's neither here nor there.

My insight is that Cameron is a variation of the T-X. This is not my original thought, but one that has been around on the internet because of her glowing blue eyes which are reminiscent of the badass T-X from T3 (which incidentally is on a seperate timeline than the show and T2). If she is like the T-X though, she can control machines, and while she was standing right behind The Turk in the competition, she caused it to miscalculate and lose. Perhaps to appease Sarah and John, to whom she repeatedly suggested just killing Adam. Thoughs Terminator fans?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Stuff White People Like

"They said there were white people at the Humbolt Sink. They were the first ones my father had seen face to face. He said they were not like 'humans'. They were more like owls than like anything else. They had hair on their faces, and had white eyes. My father said they looked very beautiful...." --Princess Sarah Winnemucca Hopkins, in Life Among the Paiutes as quoted by Joanne Meschery in Truckee, California: A History

Via Carolyn Castiglia I discovered Stuff White People Like which is really funny. As a white person I am something of an expert on the subject of stuff white people like and the site is pretty accurate in most cases. It is reminiscent of ye olde Black People Love Us, another funny site about White People.

What is really funny, however, is some of the comments on both of those websites. Many white people do not like white people jokes! Even when they’re pretty mild! Lots of people have no sense of humor. And to think, number 50 is “Irony”. Go figure.

Anyway, this is all to say that during my visits around the internet I have been shocked to discover some things that are generally accepted about, but largely unknown to, White People. Here are a list of things you can learn from the online study of White People from such places as blackplanet.com and bgclive.com. (This list is edited as the spirit moves.)

White people…
smell like dogs, especially when wet and/or sweating.
eat raw meat. (Has no one seen Mommie Dearest? “It’s not raw, it’s rare!”)
wear crocs
are pink or at least have pink penises
wear t-shirts and shorts in the middle of winter given a little sunshine
kiss their pets on the mouth
don’t put mustard in their potato salad
don’t season their mac and cheese
do not use washcloths (I own this one, though I do know fellow White People who do use washcloths)
…to name a few.

Anyway, here’s the top ten rock songs black people love.

HAPPY V.D.

A new thing I learned is that it's also known as "Singles Awareness Day".

I'm thinking the spirit of the day could be shifted further and it can heretofore be known as "Hot Anonymous Sex Day".

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

She's Just Being Miley

Hannah Montana, aka Miley Cyrus, was called out by Consumer Reports for not wearing her seatbelt in a scene from her feature film, Best of Both Worlds.

It was confirmed that she was wearing panties and was completely sober, however.

Monday, February 11, 2008

What a waste of my suffering

I have little to say about the Grammys, which is now ancient history, except that: Tina Turner in silver lame hot pants, Foo Fighters, Amy Winehouse rubbing towards her cooter and singing out the side of her mouth, and even little big-haired Carrie Underwood -- I LIVE. The rest of that crap just confused me and made me have a strange sensation of embarassment for rich and famous people I don't know 1000 miles away.

I have something in common with all those people, of course. And it ain't, of course, wealth beyond my wildest dreams or fame and the adoration of countless idiots around the world. It is a desperate, life consuming desire for approval and being liked. After all these years I still just want to be one of the popular kids, all grown up. On Saturday night it became evident why this has not and will likely never happen. I'll leave that to the imagination because honestly I don't even remember much. "I didn't learn a lot in class...but I know it don't come in a shot glass..."

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

It's so funny

how on Craigslist jobs listing there are countless postings for "internships", when they're just looking for someone to do filing and get the coffee for free. I should get an "intern" to clean my house and do my laundry.

Also, this made me lol:



That's the kind of typo that is funny, embarrassing, and can't be caught by spell-check.

Monday, February 04, 2008

The Sad Truth

Since I got sick a little while back, I fell out of my every-other-day gym schedule, which I was just back into thick after falling out of it before due to a trip I took to Orlando. That's neither here nor there, but anyway it had come around time for me to renew my membership at Gym 1, and when they called -- and they called A LOT -- I finally answered the phone and declined. The dude asked me, "What can I do that will make you renew your membership," to which I replied, "Well for one thing you can CLEAN that nasty place!" I feel like I'm getting MRSA just walking through the damn doors.

So I joined my homegirl's gym -- the Fancy Gym up the road a bit -- and upon my first visit there I was disoriented and a bit confused. I didn't know where anything was and I got on a machine that I thought was the elliptical machine but it was something crazy that I didn't understand, so after pushing a lot of buttons I just got off and roamed around a bit and then took my ass home, defeated.

But I knew this was just because I was unfamiliar, in a new environment, so tonight I went back and was all into it. I did my torturous 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, and was moving along, doing some triceps to prevent mud flaps, and suddenly and without warning, one of the employees comes down the stairs and announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, the gym is CLOSING!"

What? Apparantly there had been some kind of emergency, and people were livid. The entire crowded population of the gym moved towards the lockers and began an exodus. People were asking the sales manager guy -- who signed me up and who I think is a little sweet on me in a heterosexual kind of way -- why this was happening and he refered them to speak to the manager in the morning. When I got outside there were two ambulances out there...perhaps someone fell out doing too many squats or something.

I was really amazed at how indignant people became over the whole episode. I mean, I kind of understand, I pay my monthly fee too and damn! You closing early on us. But, secretly and somewhat shamefully, I was happy I had an excuse to stop working out and just take my disgusting lethargic ass home.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Courtney Love: Dirty Girls (Pop Version)

Giants Win Superbowl; Gays Confused by Commotion

Kevonj: Str8 people on the Upper East are screaming in the street

Stroll: yes this is happening in Astoria too

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Courtney Knows

I'm giving it up for my big tittied bitches of entertainment tonight, so here is one from Miss Courtney Love. SHE KNOWS, honey, SHE KNOWS.



Seriously, this song is how I've been feeling for about 15 years. I wish the new CD would just come out already!

Janet "Discipline" Jackson

Back in the day I used to do full out dance routines complete with imaginary backup dancers and live vocals to Rythm Nation in the living room when no one was home. I loved her back then, and I have held onto my in-and-out-of-love with Janet Jackson for many years, and I think she's back with her best CD in a long time. I will say again that these self-destructive sloppy messes of young celebrities today can take a note about control from Janet's life...she did write the damn song about it after all.

You've probably heard "Feedback", and that song along with two new tracks -- "Rock with U" and "Luv" -- are available on the "jukebox" on her official website, janetjackson.com. I

Pardise (Not for Me)

Drowned World Tour Backdrop:


Confessions Tour Version: