Saturday, November 21, 2009


Our group at work is pretty close, moreso than other groups, we seemed to have bonded early on especially since we started as the "problem" group. Anyway today was the last day of our original assingment so we were kind of busted up. Some of us stay and some of us go to different projects. All the while we're wondering how long we'll remain as contractors before being asked to stay as a few of us might be or when we'll be told to leave as most of us will be. We had a shindig of sorts today as a finale before things change, starting Monday. A day for which, by the way, I'm back on the earliest shift which let me tell you is going to be an EFFORT on my part.

So at work in my group there is this guy, let's call him M. He is a really nice guy, married, very into his church life and fancies himself a minister.

I think he is hot. But that's besides the point.

A lot of his fellow churchees work in other groups. I get the sense (just knowing how these things work) his church is a foot stomping shout it out hallelujah 15 word long name kind of church. Sometimes he talks about church or religious belief and we have discussed as much but never anything TOO deep to where I'd have to say "we're going to have to stop talking about this before I damage your world with my own gnostic damnable heathen beliefs."

He's invited our co-worker, D, to church several times. I joke with her that she might burst into flames. Today we were talking about weekend plans and he mentioned all the men of his church are getting together at the pastor's house to hang out, play pool or cards, shoot the shit etc to bond. I didn't think anything of it but he mentioned another co-worker of ours, S, is going. (I'm also hot for S, don't communicate much with him, but all the girls want a piece lol.)

I of course am not attracted in a *nefarious* way and would never act even if they did which they would not, but we're all friendly. I just like and want to be liked. So I'm wondering...why havn't I got an invite? We're cool. We share among us. We go there so to speak. And don't get me wrong I would never in one hundred gazillion years actually go to something like that if I were invited, it's just that I've not been considered.

Is it because I'm white?
Is it because I'm obviously fruity if not confirmed homosexical?
Is it because I'm a wierdo?
Is it because I would obviously not fit in?
Is it because of the above reasons the thought has not even crossed his mind?
Is it because I might burst into flames?

I'm not jilted or anything, and despite this long blog post I haven't put toooooo much thought into it, just sitting here at 1:00 am on a Friday wondering what people think of me on the other side of gay. I know the gays find me embarrassing and get all mad when I don't wear my burqa.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As someone who "has some credit in the straight world", but clearly not enough to actually be considered one of the guys, I deal with this all the time. Don't fit in in the gay world, don't fit in in the straight world - what's a boy to do? I don't know, but it is a little hurtful I must admit.